North Korea, Best Korea!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
