every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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