i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
