could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
