At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
