wrigley field is MILF paradise
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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