its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
