he shaved USA in his pubs
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
