The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
