the new term for farting is butt boxing.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
