I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
