I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
