A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
