So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
