I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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