Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The Olympian is in my bed
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
