the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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