are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
