maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
