she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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