Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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