You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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