I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i dont even know how to be here
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
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