I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize