But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
