sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize
