if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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