I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize