My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
