I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there was a trapeze. enough said
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
