do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
