my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
