swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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