Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She said her name was "party"
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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