So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
