Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
