Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
