I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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