i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
