Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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