Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
