The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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