Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
