Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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