Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
