It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
