Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The power of my boobs compel you
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
