He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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