She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
