someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Nicole vs. Life
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
