im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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