New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
