I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
