hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize