My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
