Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just cropdusted the office
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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