Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
