Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
