There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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