Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
