Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
