I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
