I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
