So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
