I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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