beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
