But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
