I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
