One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
