I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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