The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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