her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
