did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
