As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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