I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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