Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
