Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
