he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How does one acquire holy water?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
