Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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