i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just want nice things and good sex
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
