what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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