Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize