We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
