You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
