i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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