Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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