I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
