You work out of a Hotel?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
