The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
two words...techno handjob
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
