boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
