i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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