the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
