she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Damn victory sex feels great
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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