He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
