I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
