She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
